contractions of breath

I played witness to my own souls awakening. I watched as the sacred garden reveal its secrets to me. My sacred centers opened so delicately. I don't think words can do justice to what I experienced this past weekend. How will I ever repay all of you for what you shared and what you created within me.

I am forever changed.

At one point when we were working on our heart chakra I had a vision so beautiful. As anahata opened I saw a wooden door. Covered in green foliage. I opened this door. Behind it was a woman. Was it me? Was it my mother? Was it both? Her long dark curls and her shoulders blanketed in heavy woolen shawls. That familiar Irish smile and eyes that twinkle like stars. She held out her hand. Leaves of green came bursting out of her palms. Lush and beautiful. She said to me "welcome". And my eyes were flooded with tears of joy. This image is burned into my soul.

During Kriya meditation: My body begins to get really hot. The hairs on my body stand electrified. I am buzzing. My spine is on fire. I feel this warm liquid falling over my shoulders and down my back. The palms of my hands filling with energy vibrations that feel like ocean waves. My feet are so heavy I feel like I have been rooted so far into the earth I can feel the heat of it's core. Amazing!

So much awakening took place.

Svadhisthana: I was able to reconnect with the birth of my son. When my son was born I had to hold him in until I reached the hospital. He literally had bruises on his head. 30 minutes in the car in rush hour traffic...and he was ready to emerge. I held it. I breathed through it. By the time my husband got me to the hospital Liam was born within 4 minutes. I had held on to that sensation of holding him in for so long.. the exquisite pain of birthing a child.  I surrendered completely in frog pose. I allowed myself to feel my hips open and my inner thighs release. I am a mother!

 Thank you D'ana. Thank you for being in this world and sharing your gifts. I hope to take what I learned from this weekend and share it in my own healing work. You have inspired me in so many ways. That beautiful little girl who doesn't smile. Who feels like no one gets her...I see you. I feel you and I love you.

What an honor it was to be lead through my sacred centers by such a compassionate soul...

But I still want to kick your ass for putting me in paschimottanasana for 12 hellacious  minutes!

I bow to you. In honor and grace.

Namaste.

from the nectar of my heart...

I missed a couple days of training this past weekend. From what I hear it was rather emotionally intense. Which I think is great. All the shit we try so hard to bury is being pushed up to the surface. The tide pools are filling with emotional sincerity. It's never easy to open yourself up to others. I often tell my clients that when emotions surface.... embrace it. We heal ourselves when we can honor that sacred space inside us. Our body's intelligence is amazing. Trauma that has happened years ago becomes imprinted in cellular memory and is stored within us. When it is time to let go our bodies have a way of releasing that cellular memory and give us the gift of freedom from pain.
I am sorry I missed the witness of such releases this weekend. It would have been an honor to share that with my fellow teachers in training.
I am sure I will be privy to such releases soon enough as I embark on the retreat that D'ana has in store for us. My goal at this retreat is to help facilitate others through the "unwinding and emotional surfacing". I am always so honored when I see someone have a breakthrough within themselves. Human beings carry a lot of baggage through the years. There comes a time when we have to throw out the shit we don't need anymore and make room for new experiences and all that comes with it.
I have lit a flame of unconditional love for all my fellow T.I.T's I will keep this flame burning for you  for as long as it takes for you to battle those inner demons.
Here is a little inspiration from one of my favorite writer's. I hope it's wisdom will carry you through all the great challenges life has in store for you...

 On Self Knowledge

-Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.

But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart's knowledge.

You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.

You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.

And it is well you should.

The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;

And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.

But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;

And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.

For self is a sea boundless and measureless.

Say not, "I have found the truth," but rather, "I have found a truth."

Say not, "I have found the path of the soul." Say rather, "I have met the soul walking upon my path."

For the soul walks upon all paths.

The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.

The soul unfolds itself like a lotus of countless petals.

Ego says, "Be your own damn Guru"!

I can't help but think too many people look to others for answers to "life's" questions. Why is it so hard for people to trust their own intuition? Are we that disconnected? Unless you "live off the grid", media has done a great job at shaping people's way of thinking. Wear this, buy that, eat only raw, drive this car, worship this god...blah-blah-blah. The list goes on....
We are all guitly of it.
I have spent many years of my own life observing this "I can't-think-for-myself" pandemic. I was ill with it for many years and occasionally I get hit with a bug of it now and then. I am personally working on a vaccine for it...FYI.

So how can I remove myself from the horrors of this media driven society and still remain grounded, connected and compassionate?

Oh wait- by realizing it of course! Awareness is the key!
So what does this sleep deprived rant have to do with my Yoga Teacher Training journey? Well for starters, yoga = union. Union within ourselves and the world around us...

I have edited this blog post so many times because I kept prattling on about what it is and is not to be Yoga. I found myself lost in paragraphs of cynicism and decided that I will not be doing myself (or anyone that reads this) any good by writing about how lost society is. I am just one fish in the sea trying to find my own truth. What I am expereincing in my life right now is a great deal of self forgiveness. Years and years of self hate and destruction. It has taken a great deal of courage to let the skeletons out of the closet. And I am just getting started...

Purity

Life of my life, I shall ever try to keep my body pure, knowing

that thy living touch is upon all my limbs.

I shall ever try to keep all untruths out from my thoughts, knowing

that thou art that truth which has kindled the light of reason in my mind.

I shall ever try to drive all evils away from my heart and keep my

love in flower, knowing that thou hast thy seat in the inmost shrine of my heart.

And it shall be my endeavour to reveal thee in my actions, knowing it

is thy power gives me strength to act.

-Rabindranath Tagore

The lotus rises through the murky waters of ponds and lakes yet, when it blooms, it floats upon the surface, its petals shining and untainted by the mud from which it emerged. In the scriptural language and sacred poetry of Hinduism and Buddhism, the lotus perfectly embodies the soul, rising up through the murkiness of worldly experience until it reaches the surface of the spiritual realm and blooms, vibrant and pure, free from all taint and attachment.



  

India is calling....

I am very happy to be extending my Yoga education through December 2010. I will be starting the Resonate (yoga therapy program) in June. Even though finances will be tight, I am 100% sure it will be a great experience...

Since the new year started I have completely remodeld my lifestyle. I got slightly off track for a while there and was pretty upset with how I was managing my life. So far new doors have been opening left and right since I decided to just be "me". 

I have made it my intention to go to India spring of 2011. Mostly for educational purposes and to fulfill a life long dream. It will be hard to be away from my family for such and extended period of time, but I feel so deeply that I need to do this. My hubby was not to happy about the idea, but I know in his heart he understands why it is and has been calling me for so long.

I will be accompanied by a dear friend who is such an amazing artist- Diana Comstock. I am absolutely thrilled and honored to be present with her as we go on such an amazing adventure.

Funny thing about this trip...I have never been off this continent. I hate flying and have a fear of it that is so intense that I have passed up trips abroad in the past...silly me. I have been facing many of my fears as of late, so this will be my biggest hoorah!

"India was the mother of our race and Sanskrit the mother of Europe's languages. She was the mother of our philosophy, mother through the Arabs, of much of our mathematics, mother through Buddha, of the ideals embodied in Christianity, mother through village communities of self-government and democracy. Mother India is in many ways the mother of us all."  ~Will Durant

Yoga Buffet?

 I recently began to read Autobiography of a Yogi. Everytime I finish a chapter I am left contemplating the nature of yoga. What began as a way to connect with the divine has over time develpoed into a buffet of styles. When someone asks me what type of yoga I practie or study I am preplexed at how to answer them. And I am pretty sure my facial expresstion looks somewhat like this...

I am not trying to knock all the beautiful variations of yoga, or those creative spirits that have developed unique methods of this ancient practice.

 I just want to practice yoga...
...scratch that. I want to be yoga!

I was talking with a friend last night about yoga. We were discussing our innocence to it. Neither of use knowing all the "famous" yoga names or styles. I actually like being less educated on who is who in the yoga world. I think if I read up too much on this style or that style or who is taking the yoga world by storm...well it takes away from what I feel is the essence of yoga. The union between myself and divinity.

to be continued...

Push it real good

Another fantastical yoga weekend. Friday night started out with a in depth look at pranayama. I think people have a tendancy of taking breathing for granted. Because it is an involuntary action we don't think about it very much. During our core class Dana spent a lot of time guiding us through our breath. Inhale and open up the back side of the body, exhale and contract all those beautiful muscles towwards the center of the body. What a difference it made in my ability to go deeper into asana. There are so many benefits to controlled breath. When we take  a few minutes from our hectic daily lives and just sit with our breath magic happens.
Stress seems to just melt away. Nerves are soothed and all that rich oxygenated blood gives you a natural high so beautiful  you just want to smile...Peace. Love. Breath.
I have noticed I am moving my body differently since the 2 core classes I took on saturday and sunday. I am also noticing my breath is creating the momentum for each movement as well. I am more aware of being in my body than ever before and I am so greatful for that.

My solar plexus wants to thank Dana, Sheldon, Carrie and Jeff for all the gut loving knowledge they shared with us. I am riding high on inspiration. Namaste!

Chakra Three: Manipura

Fire, Ego identity, oriented to self-definition
This chakra is known as the power chakra, located in the solar plexus. It rules our personal power, will, and autonomy, as well as our metabolism. When healthy, this chakra brings us energy, effectiveness, spontaneity, and non-dominating power.

Things that make ya go Om

It has been a very busy week...in which I am so greatful. To be doing what I love and sharing old and new knowledge with others means so much to me. This week I have managed to include yoga into every session at work. From pranayama (breathing) techniques, to actual asana (posture/pose). Simple suggestions are so beneficial. My work as a massage therapist has changed so much over the years. I am now seeing that instead of just providing out of body experiences for my clients- I am hoping to take them into the body, to bring about awareness.

My own awareness has been heightend this week. With so much of my time and attention being focused on my work and teacher training, I am losing connection with my family and home life. My husband and I are both working so hard at our own individual goals that "family" time is few and far between. Of course we both need to make a living, but trying to find that balance between work and home has been a challenge. We are both at the point in our lives that we have to make appointments just to see eachother....and both our books are full.

I am struggling to bring my practice home. I am hoping my shift in awareness can led me to new and creative ways to share my  love of yoga with my family.

 I am not expecting to wake the everyone at the butt crack of dawn for meditation, but a lil   family yoga time might do us all good...